Posts filed under ‘Spirituality’
Let’s Bridge the Parenting Gap Together
I want to start a conversation today about parenting in the transformational paradigm we live in circa 2014.
Many of us are being called into humanitarian service, to live from a higher consciousness than our Silent Generation/Traditionalist parents, to recognize that we are all connected, and to do our best to come from a place of love instead of fear, of acceptance and camaraderie.
As a parent for 10 years now, I have done my best to impart these thought patterns to my children. I have tried to guide them rather than force them, to appeal to their intrinsic desires. I have encouraged them to use their voices to be heard, to feel validated and loved — to know that they are never alone and to give them tools to ground themselves in who they are. Despite my efforts, they have not bypassed the drama that can come with childhood.
In my darkest parenting hours I try to remember that they are on their own journey, and it is not for me to judge…but really? How can I not get frustrated with their choice of friends or association with people who don’t make them feel good about themselves? Or bothered by their choice not to bathe or brush their teeth without a fight, or their choice not to turn in their homework assignments or study for an exam? Isn’t it still my job to deliver them into adulthood with all the life skills they need to survive in the real world, regardless of spirituality? (I often tell myself, “She won’t walk down the aisle wearing dirty underwear.”) And what if I want them not just to survive, but to thrive? To experience the magic that living in the flow of life has to offer. Is it not up to me, as a transformational parent, to help them learn how to tap into that flow?
I started reading Marianne Williamson’s new book, A Year of Miracles. Today, divinely enough, I read,
“It is not my job to monitor anyone’s journey, to know what’s right or wrong for others, or to try to control their behavior. My salvation lies in deep acceptance of people exactly as they are, that I might know the inner peace that such acceptance brings. Amen.”
Here is my quagmire friends — I fully believe this principle when it comes to the adults in my life, but is this how I should interact with my daughters? Not monitor their lives, help them know what’s right or wrong, or control their behavior to some degree?
I have no answers or suggestions today really, simply an inquiry, an examination. How do we blend transformational principles (some may even say ideals) with real world scenarios when it comes to our children?
Deepak Chopra says, “The deepest desire in a parent’s heart is to see one’s child achieve success in life, yet how many of us realize that the most direct way to success is through spirit? In our society we don’t usually make that connection–quite the opposite. We teach our children how to survive, how to behave in order to earn our approval, how to defend themselves, how to compete, how to persist against disappointment, obstacles, and setbacks. Although believing in God is often considered a good thing, spirit has traditionally been set apart from success in daily life. This is a mistake, and it has had a profound effect on all our lives, from childhood on. Our responsibility as parents is therefore to place our children firmly on the journey of spirit. This is the best thing we can do to ensure their success in life, better than giving them money, a secure home, or even love and affection. I ask you to consider this spiritual notion of parenting, different though it may be from how you see your role now.”
He offers these seven practical principles to teach our children, for them to carry in their hearts and minds.
First Law: Everything is possible.
Second Law: If you want to get something, give it.
Third Law: When you make a choice, you change the future.
Fourth Law: Don’t say no–go with the flow.
Fifth Law: Every time you wish or want, you plant a seed.
Sixth Law: Enjoy the journey.
Seventh Law: You are here for a reason.
Deepak says, “A child raised with spiritual skills will be able to answer the most basic questions about how the universe works; she will understand the source of creativity both within and outside herself; she will be able to practice non-judgment, acceptance, and truth, which are the most valuable skills anyone can possess for dealing with other people; and she will be free from the crippling fear and anxiety about the meaning of life that is the secret dry rot inside the hearts of most adults, whether they can admit it or not.”
I love these seven principles. (In fact, I’m going to type them up and put them in their room…How The Universe Works!) But will this help them brush their teeth without an argument? I can’t help but feel a gap here between the physical world I live in and the one I believe is possible.
What are some ways you bridge the gap between your spiritual principles and your everyday experiences with your children? Let’s see if we can collaborate and create some tangible practices we can use during this evolutionary parenting transition. After all, we are in this together.
Love and blessings,
Shelby
How to Start the Conversations That Lead To Change
Making real change is a process. Starting that process with a simple conversation can lead to connection and understanding. Sally Kohn searches for common ground with her political foes by focusing on the compassion and humanity in everyone. Watch how she does it.
TEDxManhattanBeach Invites Collaboration
Have you ever attended a TED or TEDx conference? I attended my first last year and it changed my life. It changed my thinking about education. It changed my thinking about what is possible for our children. It changed the way I look at things. So imagine my delight when I had the opportunity to collaborate on the team creating this year’s TEDx conference in my local city?
After months of prepping, coordinating and coaching, I helped present TEDxManhattanBeach’s 2013 Conference Imagine That! to a sold out audience. Attendees were treated to talks that came at creativity from all different angles. It truly was inspirational. But the biggest thing I walked away with was this notion of collaboration. Dr. Marco Villa, project manager for the Hyperloop, invited us all to get involved. Bill Welser from the RAND Corporation, encouraged many of us to help create planetary defense tools to destroy the asteroid coming to earth someday. Tattoo Artist turned inventor, Fred Giovannitti, encouraged us all to lend our talents to an eco-issue that means something to us and not to let our position in life stand in our way. Even comedy writer and Modern Family producer, Dunny Zuker, invited us to flex our comedy muscle and laugh together.
The common thread in each of these amazing talks was that we need each other. Each one of us brings a skill set to the table that is useful. I loved Bill Welser’s example when he pointed out that the Apollo missions were not going to happen using engineers alone. We needed behavioral scientists, nutritionists, physiologists, and a multitude of other –ists and -ologists to work with the rocket scientists and engineers in order to put together that successful program that ultimately made it to the moon and back. It wasn’t a one-dimensional problem and neither is the challenge of dealing with any one of the issues facing us today. Charlene Spretnak, author and relational thinker, shared evidence that we really are all connected, thus driving home the point that working together, collaborating, is how we’re going to not only survive, but thrive in the decades ahead.
I was walking home from school yesterday with my family when one of our neighbors thanked me for working on TEDxManhattanBeach. It didn’t stop there. Throughout the day people acknowledged what an inspiration this year’s conference was, and expressed their gratitude that I lent my talents to make it happen. I can’t tell you what an awesome feeling it was to know that I made a difference on such a grand scale. It has always been my dream to impact large audiences in a meaningful way — to inspire them to their full potential and to incite love and connection, and I didn’t have to do it all by myself! I was able to make my childhood dream come true by collaborating with a great group of people, each lending their own talents and gifts to the effort.
The fulfillment of my dream certainly didn’t look how I’d always imagined it, but like artist and architect, Alison Wright reminded us last weekend, it’s not what you look at but what you see that matters.
Marianne For Congress!
In 1997, internationally acclaimed author, lecturer and thought leader, Marianne Williamson published Healing the Soul of America, calling for a holistic perspective on America’s political system. The book is an insightful examination of our history and politics, offering personal and political solutions for the renewal of our democracy. On Sunday, October 20, 2013, Marianne announced her candidacy for the House of Representatives, District 33, and I had the privilege to hear her announcement live!
Marianne says, “The American government has lost its ethical center and its deep commitment to democracy, drifting ever more consistently in a corporatist direction. And no one specific legislative initiative can fix that. I believe that a wave of independent candidates, all committed to a huge course-correction, is necessary to turn our ship around. I feel my campaign, and most importantly my win, can help inspire such a movement.” Marianne is running as an Independent.
This is bigger than one woman running for Congress. This is about the emergence of the heart, a politics of consciousness, a political force that says it is not economic principles and values that should order our civilization, but humanitarian ones. This is about we the people of the United States saying to both political parties through a wave of Independent candidacies that we’ll, “take it from here.”
There is no reason to expect that the system is going to welcome a buck to it’s status quo, but it is time to take a new approach and bring about balance. This can be a collective expression of our most enlightened selves. If you believe like I do in the beauty of democracy as it was originally intended, then please consider running for office, encouraging a woman you know to run, helping with their campaign, investing in their leadership. We are the people we have been waiting for.
Marianne said it best, “Politics should not be the least heartfelt thing we do, it should be the most heartfelt thing we do.” She needs every part of us that is not weak, every part that is not a victim, and every part that knows “I’m a grown up,” to be a steward for democracy. Politics is dirty. Politics is brutal, and the issues are ugly. Although Marianne says cynicism and anger have no place in what we are seeking to do here, and that we will speak the truth of our hearts in this campaign over and over and over again.
I align with Marianne on this journey towards a higher sensibility, one that looks at politics from a holistic view. Visit her website today, and see why so many of us are excited to be creating a new template for political change.
Good Advice For Children
I heard something beautiful yesterday from Produced by Faith author, DeVon Franklin, and I thought it was the perfect advice to pass onto our children. We can say to them, “You are in control of two things in life: 1 – How you prepare for what might happen, and 2 – how you respond to what just happened.” The moment things actually happen, DeVon says, belongs to God.
queen of connection | Shelby L. Phillips 