queen of connection | Shelby L. Phillips

Fighting the Good Fight

A wise and beautiful Evolutionary Astrologer, Kristin Fontana, once told me, “You must share your stories.” I didn’t think that was such a good idea, and to be honest, the idea of it scares the bejesus out of me even now. Mainly because I have always chosen to write about the good in the world, about the everyday heroes who fight the good fight, who help us find love over fear and who remind us that we are all in this thing called life together. So, what if my life’s stories aren’t that? Well, I guess we are about to find out.

In late January, 2016, I received a clean bill of health from my new Internist and six weeks later on March 4th, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Imagine my surprise! “Biologically you have the best kind of breast cancer you could have.” Basically I was looking at a lumpectomy, some radiation, and Tomoxifin for five years — one and done — easy — everyone made it seem like “cancer lite.” It definitely sucked, but the process was certainly doable and at 48 was told I’d live a long and properous life.

Over the next six weeks, things kept changing however, and by April, post mastectomy, my diagnosis was upgraded sadly to advanced Stage IV breast cancer. My tumor, who I lovingly referred to as Trudy, had jumped the fence and had taken up residence in my sternum. They told me my disease was treatable and manageable, but not curable.

Did you know that human cells are meant to survive 20-30 years, some even less? We are living longer than we ever have before and so our cells need to regenerate. But with each regeneration there is a chance for mutation. These mutated cells are cancer cells. Thus, we all have cancer cells in us, it’s just a matter of what triggers them. Some will be triggered by environmental issues, others genetics, some mental or emotional stresses. There’s also food, medication, you name it — so many potential triggers. So what was mine?

Growing up I was raised with the notion that disease is simply DIS-EASE in the body, physical manifestations of the fear in your mind and the places in your life that need to be healed. For example: if I had hip issues it was because I was fearful of moving forward, shoulder issues were being fearful of taking on too much responsibility, and cancer, well I was taught that cancer was the complete denial of self.

Holy shit! Could I be completely denying who I am? I didn’t understand. I had worked so hard to embrace myself in all my glory and in all my messy parts, to finally welcome the empath, the intuitive, the healer, and to embrace my spirituality. But was it all too late? This cancer had been growing in my body for eight to ten years before being detected. Statistically speaking, 34% of metastasized breast cancer patients live three years. “What happened to the other 66%,” I asked. And that’s when it hit me…this was some
serious shit. But three years? Oh hell no! Frankly, I’m on the 30-year plan and I’m having t-shirts made that read “I am not a statistic.”

So how am I doing with this, really? Well, first, I made my peace with it by embracing the belief that we are all terminal, none of us knows when our time will be up, and that really, I’m no different from anybody else. Second, I cry. I cry at the thought of not hugging my husband good morning or kissing my daughters good night, and I cry for the legion of beautiful souls I love and would leave behind on earth. I let the intense emotions move through me now rather than bottling them up inside. And lastly,  I made a decision. I have decided that I am not dying of cancer…I am thriving with cancer! I am not choosing to “do battle,” I am choosing to transform this cancer. I’m transforming it with good modern medicine, healthy plant-based nutrition, and healing energy work. In fact, it has been noted that I seem more alive now than I ever have before.

In truth, Louise Hay, who wrote the book on healing the body with positive affirmation, says that breast cancer has to do with putting other’s needs before your own, being overly motherly and nurturing, or lacking in self care. This, this I can resonate with. Classic female! Giving to others before giving to yourself, and with breast cancer being detected in epidemic proportions, what does this potentially say about our society? It says that we have to find some balance. We need to be able to be mothers, wives, employees and girlfriends, but not give away the farm. We need to be able to give the special people in our lives the space to be themselves. We need to be able to work and play AND take care of our bodies — creating a beautiful relationship between mind, body and spirit.

And there you have it — a story from my life. Perhaps cancer was always meant to be and perhaps this was the story that I was always meant to share. A story to inspire those who are scared and those who cry to find the love over the fear, a story to remind us to celebrate all that is good in our lives even in the face of death, and a story to remind us that we are never alone in this thing called life.

March 4, 2017 at 1:00 am 3 comments