queen of connection | Shelby L. Phillips

Let’s Bridge the Parenting Gap Together

I want to start a conversation today about parenting in the transformational paradigm we live in circa 2014.

Many of us are being called into humanitarian service, to live from a higher consciousness than our Silent Generation/Traditionalist parents, to recognize that we are all connected, and to do our best to come from a place of love instead of fear, of acceptance and camaraderie.

As a parent for 10 years now, I have done my best to impart these thought patterns to my children. I have tried to guide them rather than force them, to appeal to their intrinsic desires. I have encouraged them to use their voices to be heard, to feel validated and loved — to know that they are never alone and to give them tools to ground themselves in who they are. Despite my efforts, they have not bypassed the drama that can come with childhood.

In my darkest parenting hours I try to remember that they are on their own journey, and it is not for me to judge…but really? How can I not get frustrated with their choice of friends or association with people who don’t make them feel good about themselves? Or bothered by their choice not to bathe or brush their teeth without a fight, or their choice not to turn in their homework assignments or study for an exam? Isn’t it still my job to deliver them into adulthood with all the life skills they need to survive in the real world, regardless of spirituality? (I often tell myself, “She won’t walk down the aisle wearing dirty underwear.”) And what if I want them not just to survive, but to thrive? To experience the magic that living in the flow of life has to offer. Is it not up to me, as a transformational parent, to help them learn how to tap into that flow?

I started reading Marianne Williamson’s new book, A Year of Miracles. Today, divinely enough, I read,

“It is not my job to monitor anyone’s journey, to know what’s right or wrong for others, or to try to control their behavior. My salvation lies in deep acceptance of people exactly as they are, that I might know the inner peace that such acceptance brings. Amen.”

Here is my quagmire friends — I fully believe this principle when it comes to the adults in my life, but is this how I should interact with my daughters? Not monitor their lives, help them know what’s right or wrong, or control their behavior to some degree?

I have no answers or suggestions today really, simply an inquiry, an examination. How do we blend transformational principles (some may even say ideals) with real world scenarios when it comes to our children?

Deepak Chopra says, “The deepest desire in a parent’s heart is to see one’s child achieve success in life, yet how many of us realize that the most direct way to success is through spirit? In our society we don’t usually make that connection–quite the opposite. We teach our children how to survive, how to behave in order to earn our approval, how to defend themselves, how to compete, how to persist against disappointment, obstacles, and setbacks. Although believing in God is often considered a good thing, spirit has traditionally been set apart from success in daily life. This is a mistake, and it has had a profound effect on all our lives, from childhood on. Our responsibility as parents is therefore to place our children firmly on the journey of spirit. This is the best thing we can do to ensure their success in life, better than giving them money, a secure home, or even love and affection. I ask you to consider this spiritual notion of parenting, different though it may be from how you see your role now.”

He offers these seven practical principles to teach our children, for them to carry in their hearts and minds.

First Law:  Everything is possible. 

Second Law:  If you want to get something, give it. 

Third Law:  When you make a choice, you change the future. 

Fourth Law:  Don’t say no–go with the flow. 

Fifth Law:  Every time you wish or want, you plant a seed. 

Sixth Law:  Enjoy the journey. 

Seventh Law:  You are here for a reason. 

Deepak says, “A child raised with spiritual skills will be able to answer the most basic questions about how the universe works; she will understand the source of creativity both within and outside herself; she will be able to practice non-judgment, acceptance, and truth, which are the most valuable skills anyone can possess for dealing with other people; and she will be free from the crippling fear and anxiety about the meaning of life that is the secret dry rot inside the hearts of most adults, whether they can admit it or not.”

I love these seven principles. (In fact, I’m going to type them up and put them in their room…How The Universe Works!) But will this help them brush their teeth without an argument? I can’t help but feel a gap here between the physical world I live in and the one I believe is possible.

What are some ways you bridge the gap between your spiritual principles and your everyday experiences with your children? Let’s see if we can collaborate and create some tangible practices we can use during this evolutionary parenting transition. After all, we are in this together.

Love and blessings,

Shelby

January 28, 2014 at 7:51 pm Leave a comment