Posts tagged ‘Children’

Let’s Bridge the Parenting Gap Together

322957-Generation-1326819400-194-640x480I want to start a conversation today about parenting in the transformational paradigm we live in circa 2014.

Many of us are being called into humanitarian service, to live from a higher consciousness than our Silent Generation/Traditionalist parents, to recognize that we are all connected, and to do our best to come from a place of love instead of fear, of acceptance and camaraderie.

As a parent for 10 years now, I have done my best to impart these thought patterns to my children. I have tried to guide them rather than force them, to appeal to their intrinsic desires. I have encouraged them to use their voices to be heard, to feel validated and loved — to know that they are never alone and to give them tools to ground themselves in who they are. Despite my efforts, they have not bypassed the drama that can come with childhood.

391787_10151391707400816_598351814_nIn my darkest parenting hours I try to remember that they are on their own journey, and it is not for me to judge…but really? How can I not get frustrated with their choice of friends or association with people who don’t make them feel good about themselves? Or bothered by their choice not to bathe or brush their teeth without a fight, or their choice not to turn in their homework assignments or study for an exam? Isn’t it still my job to deliver them into adulthood with all the life skills they need to survive in the real world, regardless of spirituality? (I often tell myself, “She won’t walk down the aisle wearing dirty underwear.”) And what if I want them not just to survive, but to thrive? To experience the magic that living in the flow of life has to offer. Is it not up to me, as a transformational parent, to help them learn how to tap into that flow?

I started reading Marianne Williamson’s new book, A Year of Miracles. Today, divinely enough, I read,

“It is not my job to monitor anyone’s journey, to know what’s right or wrong for others, or to try to control their behavior. My salvation lies in deep acceptance of people exactly as they are, that I might know the inner peace that such acceptance brings. Amen.”

Here is my quagmire friends — I fully believe this principle when it comes to the adults in my life, but is this how I should interact with my daughters? Not monitor their lives, help them know what’s right or wrong, or control their behavior to some degree?

I have no answers or suggestions today really, simply an inquiry, an examination. How do we blend transformational principles (some may even say ideals) with real world scenarios when it comes to our children?

540773_350377488387999_1908534520_n.jpg?width=403&height=400Deepak Chopra says, “The deepest desire in a parent’s heart is to see one’s child achieve success in life, yet how many of us realize that the most direct way to success is through spirit? In our society we don’t usually make that connection–quite the opposite. We teach our children how to survive, how to behave in order to earn our approval, how to defend themselves, how to compete, how to persist against disappointment, obstacles, and setbacks. Although believing in God is often considered a good thing, spirit has traditionally been set apart from success in daily life. This is a mistake, and it has had a profound effect on all our lives, from childhood on. Our responsibility as parents is therefore to place our children firmly on the journey of spirit. This is the best thing we can do to ensure their success in life, better than giving them money, a secure home, or even love and affection. I ask you to consider this spiritual notion of parenting, different though it may be from how you see your role now.”

He offers these seven practical principles to teach our children, for them to carry in their hearts and minds.

First Law:  Everything is possible. 

Second Law:  If you want to get something, give it. 

Third Law:  When you make a choice, you change the future. 

Fourth Law:  Don’t say no–go with the flow. 

Fifth Law:  Every time you wish or want, you plant a seed. 

Sixth Law:  Enjoy the journey. 

Seventh Law:  You are here for a reason. 

Deepak says, “A child raised with spiritual skills will be able to answer the most basic questions about how the universe works; she will understand the source of creativity both within and outside herself; she will be able to practice non-judgment, acceptance, and truth, which are the most valuable skills anyone can possess for dealing with other people; and she will be free from the crippling fear and anxiety about the meaning of life that is the secret dry rot inside the hearts of most adults, whether they can admit it or not.”

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I love these seven principles. (In fact, I’m going to type them up and put them in their room…How The Universe Works!) But will this help them brush their teeth without an argument? I can’t help but feel a gap here between the physical world I live in and the one I believe is possible.

What are some ways you bridge the gap between your spiritual principles and your everyday experiences with your children? Let’s see if we can collaborate and create some tangible practices we can use during this evolutionary parenting transition. After all, we are in this together.

Love and blessings,

Shelby

January 28, 2014 at 7:51 pm Leave a comment

Good Advice For Children

imagesI heard something beautiful yesterday from Produced by Faith author, DeVon Franklin, and I thought it was the perfect advice to pass onto our children. We can say to them, “You are in control of two things in life: 1 – How you prepare for what might happen, and 2 – how you respond to what just happened.” The moment things actually happen, DeVon says, belongs to God.

September 16, 2013 at 3:40 pm Leave a comment

Easy Ways To Praise Your Child

IMG_6350 (2)It felt like a very long holiday break at my house. At one point I thought my girls would never stop fighting. They fought with each other, the neighbors, me. Very few moments of love, peace and joy. If I heard “it’s not fair” one more time, I thought I was going to drop kick someone. (Again, no love, peace and joy there!) Of course, as their levels grew, so did mine. By the end of vacation I was beginning to wonder if they’d make it to puberty.

Then I read something that changed everything. I happened upon a list of Ways to Praise Your Child that I received from my daughter’s 3rd grade teacher. I’m always looking for good words and phrases to use, let’s face it, you can only say “nice effort” so many times, and my girls have out grown every standard line I have in my arsenal. So eager to learn I read:

Wow * Way To Go * Super * You’re Special * Outstanding * Excellent * Great * Good * Neat * Well Done * Remarkable * I Knew You Could Do It * I’m Proud Of You * Fantastic * Super Job * Nice Work * Looking Good * Beautiful * You’re On Top Of It * Now You’re Flying * You’re Catching On * Now You’ve Got It * Incredible Thinking * Bravo * You’re Fantastic * Hurray For You * You’re On Track * You’re On Your Way * How Nice * How Clever * Good Job * Nothing Can Stop You Now * Good For You * You’re A Winner * Remarkable Thinking * Remarkable Work * Spectacular * Great Discovery * Fabulous Connection * You Figured It Out * Way To Show Good Judgement * Bingo * Magnificent * Marvelous * Terrific * You’re Important * Phenomenal * That’s Sensational * Super Work * Creative Thinking * You’re A Real Trooper * You’re So Responsible * What An Imagination * Keep Trying * What A Good Listener * You Made That Fun * You’re Growing Up * You Tried Your Best * It Shows You Care * Nice Sharing * Outstanding Thinking * You’re Such a Good Friend * I Believe In You * I Trust You * Your Opinion Matters * I’m Listening * You Mean A Lot To Me * You Make Me So Happy * You Make Me Laugh * You Brighten My Day * You Make My Heart Sing * I Respect You * That’s Correct * You’re A Joy * You’re A Treasure * You’re A Winner * You Made My Day * That’s The Best * You’re The Greatest * You Deserve A Hug * You Deserve A Kiss * I Love You

I realized while reading this list that I wasn’t seeing Spirit in my girls. I had forgotten how to see their magnificence. Instead I was solely focused on what needed to be fixed in them, or better yet, what my interpretation was of what needed to be fixed. I had forgotten to light up when they walked in the room, remembering that they are truly gifts to the world…like we all are.

I have put this small shift into place this week and boy what a difference it made! I’m convinced!  I’d rather live in a house where I’m loved and adored for who I am, rather than one where I am judged and constantly improved upon too, even if it was for my own good.

So my New Year’s resolution for 2013?  Remember to find G-d in my beautiful children.

Happy New Year!

January 13, 2013 at 10:56 pm 1 comment


Shelby L. Phillips

As an intuitive transformational messenger of hope, a communicative wife of 25 years, and an open-hearted mother of two, I take pleasure in telling good news stories, connecting people to the eight dimensions of well-being, and inspiring us to love ourselves and each other because life really is worth celebrating! Find out more about me at ShelbyPhillipsConnects.com

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